For the first time, I am wishing I was making a vlog instead of "just" a blog, so that I could imitiate the facial expressions of some of my deaf acquaintances when they find out my husband does NOT sign.
I want it to be known that there are alot of reasons that hearing spouses do not learn to sign. I am bringing up only ONE possible reason here in this post.
My own husband (we suspect) is a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome. His mother was both mentally and physically abusive and he had a terrible time just making it through grade school, winding up only one year behind. When "cornered" with something new, or an issue that he is not familiar with, his mind goes completely blank. He cannot spell and has a check writing machine to write his checks for him. When a business letter is required, I do it. There is nothing wrong with is speaking ability or his math knowledge, but when required to "do this or else!" his mind retreats.
There are other examples I could give, many of them. When my deaf acquaintances inquire (with a sneer) WHY my husband does not sign, I reply that he has a learning disability, and he does.
My husband is a very sucessful business man, having built apartment houses and private homes for over 25 years. He carried the contracts on many of the buildings that he put together, so he is very comfortably retired, but HE CANNOT SIGN.
So, the next time you meet a deafie who's spouse does not use ASL, think twice before you re arrange your face. You could be dabbling in a subject that you know nothing about.
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Love the site! Looks great! Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your opinion. I do get that sometimes, too (the facial expression because my husband doesn't sign). Thank you for saying that. You may be 74, but you "sound" so cool and so fun!
ReplyDeleteSkyBlue
Hello Lantana,
ReplyDeleteWow....I am speechless.
I have a few questions if you dont mind. How do you communicate your husband? I assume that you speak orally very well. Does he understand your ASL even though he may not response back in ASL excluding verbally speaking.
Thanks for your time.
Mookie
My husband does not sign either; but I do talk very well; and I hear enough to talk on the phone with an amplifier; my husband does know the alphabet; and when i dont understand a word he is saying he will just use the "Rochester method" and then reverse to oral. we have been happily married for 11 years; and we actually met on the internet.. :)
ReplyDeleteHUMAN
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ReplyDeleteI am sorry that your husband was a victim of shaken baby syndrome and that your deaf friends judged him on his inability to use sign language. He is very lucky to have an exceptionally undersanding wife, like you. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your very understanding and compassionate comments here. I know I am not the only one out there.
ReplyDeleteI lost my hearing at aged 10 and thanks to my parents, I have retained good speech. I am an excellent lipreader. So communication is not a problem in our marriage.
Oh, my husband has "home signs" that he uses which come in handy sometimes. "Bathroom" ("T") is usefull when we are in a crowded store and one of us has to "go". That sort of thing.
I guess what I was really trying to communicate with people with my post is, "Almost nothing is the way it seems". When you see a deaf person with a non-signing spouse, you can bet your last dollar it is NOT because the spouse flat out refuses to learn! Compassion is the key.
Thank you for your concern!
Lantana
Wow, you are teaching us not to be quick to judge. I am sure you are a wonderful wife, mother, and grandmother.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is very blessed to have a wonderful, loving and understanding wife like you. We had met him when we visited with you both and he's VERY nice. Bless your heart.
ReplyDeleteYes, quick to judge. I guess I just dislike "herd mentality". No one ever learns anything that way!
ReplyDeleteThanks again, everyone.
Lantana
Thank you folks, what a lovely group of people here!
ReplyDeleteLantana
PAH! Now I can finally match your online name with a face! I have been wondering who you are for the past couple of years. ;)
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are coming from when some Deaf people sneer once they learned a Hearing spouse does not sign. People need to learn to listen, ask why and think objectively from a different point of view BEFORE they jump to conclusions! When you explained about your husband's disability, I respect and understand without question.
Whenever I meet a Deaf person with a Hearing spouse with no learning disability and does not know sign, I was usually told by both of them that the Hearing person is "too busy at the moment to learn ASL but will take classes later"... I don't buy that. I don't respect that because I believe in spouses helping each other out and make things work. "I am too busy" is not a good excuse in my opinion! I used to have a Hearing lover who never got around to learn and use ASL in the 9 months we were together! Communication is always important in every relationship! A one-way street in a relationship will never work.
P.S. Do you have a Flickr account? Bec I like your pics! If you don't have one, I suggest you try it out! It also lets you post directly from Flickr to BlogSpot.