I have never seen anything written by deaf folks about, or concerning their their neighbors. 'Neighbors play a big part in our lives (if we let them) and I can imagine that it is very difficult for most deaf people to be surrounded by hearing neighbors. I know it is for me.
I lived in a condo for 13 years, I had a full time job then, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs at the same time, so all I had to do was "wave" at people I met on the sidewalk or who were getting into their cars. I vaguely connected faces to condo apartment numbers, but it really wasn't important to me at the time. One neighbor loaned me his car so I could go Christmas shopping when my own vehicle was in the shop. That is about as close as I got to anyone. I kicked the HOA President off my doorstep more than once, telling him to come back with an interpreter. 'That sort of thing. He was a jerk, anyway.
Well now I live in a neighborhood! It is nothing new, I have lived here for 15 years, and neighbors have come and gone. Three have died. My husband and I have been included in "block parties" and were even invited to a lavish wedding, reception etc. for a neighbor's daughter. However, I have always felt like I was a 5th wheel, not quite belonging to the program. I am wondering how other deaf people cope with this predicament?
Immediately next door to me, a very nice lady lives with her 90+ year old husband. (People live to a ripe old age here!). She is nice enough and I even took her shopping for groceries when she had a broken leg. However I cannot understand a word she says. She speaks BEHIND her teeth (mostly of which are gold and fascinating to a visual -loving deaf person) and she has all kinds of body language that throws me off. I feel really bad about our whole relationship, but I have no idea how to solve the problem. Mainly I find myself trying to avoid her!
Otherwise I feel that I have control of the situation around here. If people obviously want to be left alone, I accomodate! I certainly know how they feel.
I feel very fortunate that my neighbor "problems" are so skimpy, but the ones I do have I take very seriously.
Lantana
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Ha, funny when you mentioned, "Mainly I find myself trying to avoid her."
ReplyDeleteThere was a nice guy living next door a few years ago, I swear it seems like he's the worse lip movement I have ever seen in my life.
He have perfect lip, he talks english well but I still can't read him. He has baby face and such so it wasn't the mustache or whatever, I even made bets with my friends from school if any of them can read him, good enough, nobody can!
It was hilarious.. good time.
-SG
Neighors..gotta love 'em. Well, as it is right now, we have next door neighbors who help themselves to our garden tools, send us their dog if it causes trouble (especially at parties) and call me over to rescue an injured or baby animal. Due to one being a dentist, I get a huge discount for work on my teeth and the other being a mechanic- he'd do repairs on my car much cheaper and it runs much better.
ReplyDeleteI don't see my deafness an obstacle in this 'cause they actually come over with paper and pen even before I'd consider asking them! LOL
Wolfers
I have a very good neighborhood. Sometimes I look at some neighborhoods where you hardly know who lives next to your house. Not mine. I know pretty much everybody who lives by me. They come over sometimes if they need some sugar or flour and vice versa. Also they keep me informed when the power goes off and I am not able to use the internet to make phone calls or anything while they have their cell phones. We just had some real bad storms including several tornadoes and we all communicated with each other on what was up. Once I was in a hurry home in time to catch my daughter off the bus but I didn't get there in time. My neighbor noticed I wasn't there so waited for her bus and picked her up instead and I barely got there in time. We do watch out for each other a lot. Will never have as good a neighborhood as the one I have now.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago (this same neighbor that I was talking about previously) called the police because I let a little Latino boy into my home to pay him for something that he was selling. When the little boy got to the bottom of my steps he found himself pinned to the wall by 2 policemen! I think my neighbor eventually found some better medication for herself. We had a couple living on the corner for a long time, he was Jewish and she was Japanese. They invited us for dinner one night and we had stir fries and potato pancakes! Chuckle ~~~~
ReplyDeleteLantana
My neighbours never talk to me, but that is fine. I like being left alone rather to listen to inane community gossip over the fence. Heh heh... We're moving to a new house, and the next door will be my bf's brother and his family.
ReplyDeleteGood Morning, Utah! Moving already? I thought you had your yard all fixed up like you wanted it. Well, you are young and will start over many times before you are done.
ReplyDeleteIt is always nice to have a friendly face in the 'hood. I am more like you, I couldn't care less about so-and-so's petty issues. I am not too sure I would want to live next door to a relative, but that's me!
Enjoy your new home!
Lantana
Hi... yeah, gotta love your neighbor - that's right! I'm fortunate that most of my neighbors are pretty friendly to myself (Deaf-sighted) and my Deaf-Blind husband. We bought our house 6 years ago.
ReplyDeleteMost of them keep to themselves but will come out of their way to keep us informed as necessary and we do the same.
We have a block captain that keeps us informed via email with various information such as the annual block party, information from the police department, etc. It is very, very nice and we tell her how much we appreciate it.
One of our neighbors has lived in his house for over 40-45 years and every summer when my hearing family comes to visit, he loves it when my Dad comes to talk to him because my Dad is a patient listener (kisses to my Dad!). Then my Dad tells me everything he says. That neighbor is a hard lip-reader. So, I keep up on "gossips" that way.
One neighbor is a policeman, but he's kind of a big-headed, so I keep my distance.
One other neighbor is wonderful in writing things down if I request it...
One other neighbor isn't too friendly 'cause of a misunderstanding with my dog so we don't talk, but we wave to each other. It's too bad because I miss talking with him. Oh well.
My next door neighbor and I keep eyes on our houses when we're away so I'm very happy about that.
Lots of variety around my neighborhood!! :-)
Hi Lantana. Nice blog post. Look at the comments it has generated. Good food for thought about our neighbors in life.
ReplyDeletewhile I have some pretty great neighbors, most of them are foreign born and really challenging to lip-read. Their children play with my son and I have taught the children some sign language. So when I need to ask for help or borrow a cup of sugar or talk about picking up kids from school, I usually talk to my neighbors through our children.
It goes the same way for them though because English is their second language too. Their kids know English fluently because they go to school here in America. So our children often become interpreters for us. Kind of cool. It's the children that bring us all together.
I feel like people at DeafRead are my neighbors too! I share much more with them than I do my own neighbors. Maybe people at DeafRead are more like family. Some you love, some you like, some you trsut, some you'd like to throw in the garbage (wink: ;), but family none-the-less.
~ LaRonda
Christine, I love the idea of a "block captain". Thanks for the great idea! In our area, some of the homes are vacation homes, so the owners are only in town occasionally (I love that part!), but there are a few of us who are home most of the time and I think it would be wonderful if we had someone "in charge". Our neighbor across the street is a ham radio geek, so he would be the most likely choice. A warning of a Tsunami on it's way would be something we might miss, being deaf.
ReplyDeleteLaronda, isn't that the truth about us having to learn to "read" all kinds of accents, brogues, etc. etc. I find the Latinos the easiest to understand because they use lots of gestures and body language! Don't worry about your son interpreting for you, my oldest son got "stuck" with me when he was growing up and he is the most successful of all my children! And all 5 of my children are called upon to make speeches, because of their excellet speaking skills. Hmmm, I guess I got off topic, but wanted to kill 2 birds with one stone. Heh, heh.
Lantana
I had a block party in my old town a few years ago. I have had not seen my neighbors for a couple of years. They don't go out because they want to save their until they are retired. Some of them are not interested to go on a vacation for 30 years.
ReplyDeleteAt the block party, I am vegeterian. Yuck, I don't eat hot dogs. I bought my own food at the last minute. Later, they were talking about sports. I really hate sports at all, and I do not even want to hear it. Maybe, it is ok to talk about little kids playing in a sport which is cute.
Two neighbors were conflicted with their relationship. A neighbor talks a big mouth, and the other one is a little slob likes to talk about classic stuff. Pretty confusion.
In my new town, there was no block party. I was a kid and enjoyed playing with some friends at the block party. Now, I know some old friends are in prison - I cannot imagine it. That's life.
I had some very nice neighbors. In Washington state we helped each others with our sewer hook-ups, watched our homes while we were out of town, he mowed my lawn after I helped him with a cement pour in his new garage foundation.
ReplyDeleteIn North Idaho where we lived, several neighbors and friends helped us load the UHAUL truck when we moved 1,900 miles to Texas in 2005. We also have some nice new neighbors in our new town. One of them who owns a landscape company is helping us learn how to take care of our lawn and plants since they are lot different than those we had in Washington and Idaho.
lisa c. - that is cool.
ReplyDelete